Learning more responsibility

After my recent meltdown and realisation that I need to stop doing so much for our girls and give them more responsibility, things have been going well.


They are managing just fine organising themselves in the morning and I've stopped coming back home to pick up anything they might have forgotten.  (Although I must admit to making an exception this morning, coming home for our youngest daughter's swimming bag, but ONLY because it's her birthday!)



We've also made a list of all the jobs we do around the house and are slowly going through them checking that the girls know how to do them all so that they can step up and help.



They are helping out more with cooking dinners, general housework, cleaning the fish tank and at the weekend they both had a go at mowing the lawn.  


After falling into too much of a rut lately of who does what jobs around the house, we're all enjoying shaking things up a bit and as a result we've had more family time as we've been doing things together. Sometimes I'm now doing what were 'the girl's jobs' , which pleases them no end - but at the same time, they are helping me with 'my jobs'. 


It's so much nicer that we're all working together getting things done, than before when we each only did our 'own' jobs.



With mother's day coming up in a couple of weeks here in Australia, I'm looking forward to a day of total relaxation knowing that my girls can just step up and run the household for me that day!



I know we could and should have done a lot of this sooner, but I'm glad we're doing it now!



How much do your kids do around the house? Do they have set jobs, or is everyone just expected to step up as and when things need doing?






Build your own internal combustion engine!



At the end of last year the girls' Grandpa gave us this kit to make with the girls - to learn how a car engine works!




So many tiny pieces and lots of instructions. It was all a bit daunting.

After putting it off for several months, we finally bit the bullet and got it out out of the box to try last weekend.

It took us 2 days, some concentrated effort, 

lots of breaks, 

some frustration and taking things apart and putting them back together again.


...My power drill even came out at one stage when one part just wouldn't fit!
But in the end it all came together and looked just like the picture on the box!


Then it came to the big moment of switching it on to see if it all worked....and.... yes it did!! All the pistons pumped up and down, things turned and lights went on and off.

At the back of the instructions, there is a whole explanation of what is happening in the engine. I think we need to save that for another time as this was a pretty full-on project and we all needed some fresh air afterwards!!

The girls enjoyed fitting pieces together, putting all the tiny screws in and seeing it take shape, then the excitement of it actually working (after a few reconstructions and re-tightening of screws!)

Have you ever made a kit construction with your kids? Did they enjoy it? Would you do it again?

I think we've had our quota of kit constructions for the time being, but you never know what we might tackle in the future - maybe when the girls are a little older!







Mummy's meltdown

A few weeks ago I had a meltdown.


It built up gradually over a few days in the mornings getting the kids ready for school.  That time of day was filled with me hurrying the kids along, getting them to eat some breakfast, get dressed, get their bags ready, make their beds, feed the fish.... you get the idea.



Then as we're on our way out the door to the car, I'm running through the check lists for what they need for the day.... hat, bag, lunch, sports gear, clarinet...etc. etc.



School mornings have been like this for a while now, I've just accepted that this is the way it is with school kids. (Ours are aged 9 and 11) .  However, more and more often we were arriving at school only to find someone had forgotten something important for the day. A hat - without which they aren't allowed to play outside; or a swimming costume, so the after school lesson would be missed.  



We just live a few minutes away from the school, and since I work from home, I can just pop home to pick up forgotten items.  This was definitely a big mistake on my part!  The more often I did this, the more often things seemed to get forgotten! Not deliberately mind you, it was just that there were no negative consequences for forgetting things, other than my own frustration!



Well, finally I reached breaking point and realised that I've been doing far too much for our girls, and although they may have needed this when they were younger, they have grown up lots and are quite capable of remembering their own things each morning without me nagging them and fetching and carrying things for them.



When the frustration got too much and the realisation hit me, I just crumbled into tears, telling the kids I'd had enough. Me trying to help them was no longer having any effect and it was time for them to step up and start doing things for themselves.

They were a bit shocked - seeing mum in tears is never a good sign. But they gave me hugs, listened to my rants and raves and agreed something had to change.


I decided that I wasn't going to remind them of ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!   Ok, so that was a bit extreme, but it was how I felt at the time!



"But what if we get to school and have forgotten to put our shoes on?" , they asked.



"Then you'll spend the day at school in your socks", I replied.


"What if we forget our lunch?"


"You won't starve for one day."



They took it all good naturedly and to be honest, they were quite excited about finally being given some responsibility.




As a family, we have chosen for me to be a stay-at-home mum to take care of our kids. But this doesn't mean I should do everything for them.  I also need to teach them to be, and yes LET them be independent.   



I've always felt with our kids that it takes me a while to figure out how to be a mum with them, how to 'parent' them. Once I've got it all figured out and settle into a routine, they decide to grow up a bit and what I've been doing doesn't work any more. Then it's back to square one, figuring out how to be a mum to a kid who's a little bit older and more and more capable.



This is the stage I've reached once again - and will continue to over and over and over again as our girls continue to grow and mature.



So, my tearful meltdown was then followed by a couple of school mornings which were VERY quiet - making me realise just how much of the silence I filled each day with nagging, reminders and cajoling the kids to eat, dress, etc.



Gone are the reminder notes on the door telling the kids what they should be taking to school each day.  No longer do I check their bags each day.



I've accepted that there might be times when they forget something and have to miss out on an after school activity that we may have paid for. But it's all part of learning for them....and me!



One day shortly after we started this, our youngest forgot it was a sports lesson day at school and wore her school dress. She had to run around playing soccer in her dress and school shoes rather than her much favoured shorts, top and trainers!  Lesson learned, she doesn't want that to happen again, so I think that will be one day she'll remember each week for sure!




When I had my meltdown/ realisation of how I was doing too much for my kids, I felt like I was an overprotective, mollycoddling parent who'd been doing it all wrong for who knows how long. In wanting to help my kids, I'd actually been hindering them.



Once I started talking to other mums about this, it was a big relief for me to find others who felt the same way.  You do tend to forget this at times, that there are plenty more out there going through the same thing as you - making similar mistakes, feeling rotten and blaming themselves.



So that's why I thought I'd share my meltdown on here too!



A few weeks on, I feel much better about where I'm at with my parenting skills. The girls are happily taking on more responsibilities - clearly thinking "About time Mum.", and my mornings are far less stressful now and more enjoyable for us all.



Are you a parent?  Do you ever feel like you do too much for your kids? How do you know when they're ready to break free from mum and dad and do things 'all by themselves'?



I'll share in future posts what our girls are now taking on and learning how to do 'by themselves'.  Many things they probably could have done much sooner, but at least we've made a start now.



Please do tell me your thoughts on this. I'd love to hear some other ideas and suggestions.