Talk with your kids - a book review

Talk with your kids by Michael Parker

Stuck on a lifeboat

You are stuck on a lifeboat with a group of people after the cruise liner you were on sank. You ran out of food two days ago, and people are starting to talk about eating each other to keep at least some of the survivors alive long enough to be rescued. But who should you eat?

"One of the passengers is a serial killer - you should keep him alive so he can kill those ones you're going to eat!"

"Euww, I don't think I could eat anyone."

"What, even if you were starving to death?"

"Eat the annoying people first."

"Maybe the kids would be softer and easier to eat."

This was one of the craziest discussions we had with our kids using the topics from this book.  Some are topics and subjects that really stretch the imagination and some hit a little closer to home; but all manage to get everyone thinking and discussing a lot of differing points of view and suggestions.

Getting kids talking

What parent hasn't been frustrated by kids giving one word answers.

"So what did you do at school today Johnny?

"Nothing."

We're always looking for ways to get our kids talking and discussing things, so when I found this book I just had to get it.

It's a brilliant book that we've found is great to use over dinner with our kids and have had some fun and interesting discussions from it.

This book has 109 conversations about Ethics, topics like bullying, fate, moral responsibilities, cheating, friendship ..the list goes on.

Not only does the book provide topics of conversation, but it also sets up situations, questions and suggestions to lead you through the topic in stages, gradually bringing the discussion from the simple to the more in-depth and complex issues. There are plenty of 'what would you do?' situations, and with no right or wrong answers, it's a great way to get conversations going - especially when you have someone willing to play devil's advocate and suggest outrageous and downright bad things to get a reaction from your kids!

The introduction to the book does provide guidelines and help for parents to use the book, how to encourage your kids without putting words into their mouths.

The topics also mean that kids are not only speaking and practising their skills of conversation, debating and arguing points, but they are also learning about ethics, new situations and developing their own moral values.

Even more discussion topics

Michael Parker has also written another book of conversations to have with your kids with over 100 more ideas to use. This second book is called 

Talk with your kids - Big Ideas

 We're looking forward to using that book too when we've finished the first one.

Have you seen or used this book?

What other methods do you use to get your kids talking?

The opinions in this post are entirely my own, However, the links to the books are for the Book Depository where I have an affiliate link and do earn a commission for any sales via this website.

Minimum two word answer rule

"So what did you do at school today?"

"Nothing."

"You must have done something. Did you do any maths?"

"Yes."

"What about English?"

"Yes."

Have you had a conversation like this with your kids? 

Not much of a conversation really is it!

We've had some success with our kids getting them to tell us about their days at school by using conversation coasters I made.

But I heard another idea from a friend that I'm going to try with our kids.  

The minimum of two words rule.

She doesn't ever let her kids get away with a one word answer. Even if I say "hi" to them, they can't just say, "hi" back, they have to say for example, "Hi, Jill".

So no longer can they just answer with an abrupt - 'nothing' when you ask what they've done at school! Brilliant!

I really like this idea and think it's a great habit for kids to get into!

Do you have any hints, tips or ideas for improving kids conversational skills? I'd love to hear any!

How to join in a conversation

Joining in a conversation is a skill that some people have naturally and others need to learn and practice.   Personally, I've never been that comfortable joining in group conversations, I'm much better one-on-one. Particularly as a kid I often found myself not knowing what to say or how to start a conversation - and I remember lots of awkward silences!

So - this is one area that I really want to help our kids learn to be comfortable with. 

An idea we started using a while ago was conversation coasters. I made up a few coasters with questions on that were placed on the table at dinner time. During the meal, everyone had to ask somebody the question they found on their coaster. We used lots of questions about the day, for example.

"What was the best thing that happened to you today?"

"What did you learn today?"

"Who did you play with and what did you play today?"

These coasters proved to be a great hit,  our daughters really enjoyed using them.   After a while of using them, they gradually became more confident with conversations - using the questions from the coasters to start and join in conversations when we have dinner guests.  These coasters have also been enjoyed by friends and family members who have come to visit.

We haven't used those coasters much lately- using the same questions over and over again does get a bit repetitive and boring. However, since our girls are a little older now, I thought it was time to make some new questions and start using this idea again to extend their conversation skills and ideas.  We tried this first new set out last night at dinner and once again they were lots of fun!

For kids who are shy - this is a great way to get them talking in a group.  To practice speaking with given questions and 'roles', it will build their confidence and also provide examples for them to replicate and build on for future conversation situations.

I'm hoping to add new question coasters every few weeks from now on. Using the same questions over and over again each day doesn't really work, so the more we have to mix up the better.

If anyone has any suggestions for questions to put on these coasters I'd love to hear them!

How do you encourage your kids in conversations? Do you have any ideas to share?

The Art of Conversation - Conversation Coasters

 As our daughters have grown up, they have become more and more interested in hanging around at the dinner table beyond meal times to hear and join in with the adult conversations!

Since they have begun to show such an interest, I thought I would make up some 'conversation coasters' to help make dinner time a bit more fun and also to help develop their conversation skills.

We always have asked them questions at meal times, for example about what they have done that day; but now they are in school, we often get the response 'nothing', (which I understand is quite common amongst school age kids!)  So by putting the questions into a different form, and making it more like a game, we've found our kids actually want to tell us things!

Conversation skills are a difficult thing to teach your kids. Thinking of topics to talk about, knowing when to interject to make a comment, how to change topics etc. 

These coasters have proved to be a big hit with our girls.  Each night they are happy to set the table for dinner - as they then get to choose who gets which question - or sometimes they do it randomly - placing them upside-down so nobody knows which question we all have until they have been turned over.

We then choose somebody else to ask that question of, and usually it sparks more of a discussion, and sometimes others want to answer the same question too.

Here are the questions I made up on this first set.

I do plan to make more conversation coasters now and again, to add to the selection.  As the girls grow older, I'm sure the type of questions we have will grow with them.
 I have also made a set of ones for dinner parties, which are more 'grown up', with 'big questions' like 'Is there likely to be another World War?'!  Well, why shouldn't we join in on the fun too!

Do you have any different ways of starting conversations with your kids, or teaching them conversation skills?  What do you think of this idea?  Do you think it's too artificial? or do you think it is a valid method to encourage dinner time talk? What other questions do you think might be good to add to our selection?

If you're interested in how to make these fabric conversation coasters - and maybe would like to make some for yourself - click here to go to the post on my other blog 'Creating my way to Success' where I've posted a tutorial for them.