Just do it!

How many times do you say you're going to do something -  but then don't follow through?  I'm sure we all do this to some extent.

A conversation I had this weekend made me think of this - and the effect of my non-action on our kids.  The conversation was about laser treatment for eyesight.  A friend has had this treatment and is very happy with it. She was asking if I would consider it for myself, to which I replied no - I'd rather do exercises and improve my eyes that way.  However - the thing is - I'm not doing those exercises - just talking about them!

I even wrote a post about improving your eyesight with exercises last year - back in July.  Now, nearly 7 months later I've done nothing!

To be honest - I first read about improving your eyesight with exercises more than 20 years ago - and still haven't motivated myself to do and stick to these exercises to rid myself of my glasses!

So why do we find it so difficult to stick to things and do things that we know will have such a positive and beneficial effect for us?  Laziness would be my guess here - the fact that I will need to stick to these exercises every day!

Our eldest daughter is definitely a little short sighted, just like me. We know this just from seeing what she can and cannot read when we're out and about.  I don't want to get her glasses - as I know they aren't something that will help her eyes improve at all.  Last week back at school, she told me she had to read something on the board and it was small and tricky to read - although she did manage.

 It's time I stopped talking and started doing!  When I first mentioned eye exercises to our daughter - she was very keen and wanted to try them out!  I think she would enjoy it if she and I spent a few minutes each day doing our eye exercises together. Not only would it benefit our eyesight, but it would also be something we could share together - and we all know how much kids enjoy when we spend time with them and give them attention.

So today I have put up the eye-chart that I photocopied last year, and marked out the distance to stand from it to check where our eyesight is now.

I've also got out the folder full of notes I've made on exercises we can do to improve.

My procrastination on this isn't just affecting me - it's affecting our daughter, who I could have helped months ago.  Surely helping my kids should be a good enough motivator for me to do something!

How about you? What have you been putting off?  What could you start TODAY that would have a positive and beneficial effect on your life and perhaps that of your family and kids too?

8 year old cooks dinner.

Both our girls have been helping with cooking dinners for some time now, but after reading this article last week, we decided to give our eldest a go cooking an entire meal by herself.

She did really well, and apart from some lifting of heavy pans, basically cooked us all dinner herself!

She made spaghetti carbonara which is one of her favourite meals, plus one she's helped out with lots before.

I directed her, helping her remember the ingredients and steps, and also with what utensils to use.( I'm working on some reorganisation of our kitchen just now, to put things in places where our girls can reach them more easily, thereby making it easier for them to help out!)

After watching "Junior Masterchef' on TV last year, and seeing the young kids on there together with the amazing things they could cook, it did make me realise that both our girls at age 6 and 8 are certainly old enough to learn.  I think I probably have held them back in a sense because there are times they have asked to help me cook, but I've refused as I've not wanted to cope with the inevitable spills and mess, or to take the extra time needed to teach them to do things rather than just getting things done quickly myself.

I think this is probably true of not just me,but many parents in many different areas.  Kids are capable of more than we give them credit for a lot of the time, and also keener than we would often imagine when we actually take some time with them.

Now our younger daughter is also keen to cook a meal all by herself too.  She gets a lot more distracted by things and as a result takes longer to do anything so I shall have to choose a day and a meal that we can really take our time over to do this!

I am enjoying this idea of our girls taking a more active role in the cooking in our house and I have resolved to make more time and put in the extra effort to help them learn.

Last Friday when our daughter cooked us Carbonara, she wanted to dish up and serve the food to us by herself, and then very proudly did the same for dessert with the Banana cake she had made the previous day.  This was all a great boost for her confidence and also a wonderful relaxing mealtime for us as parents!

Do your kids cook with you?  Have they ever made an entire meal by themselves? How old do you think they need to be for this?

Jobs for kids

After being sick last week, and as a result not getting much housework done, it has made me realise that it's time our kids stepped up and learnt how to do more of the small household tasks and chores to help out, so making things easier for me - in general, but also when I'm sick, or things are busy!

The girls do currently help out by setting the table for dinner, keeping their room tidy and clean - and also they do have a chore chart of jobs they can do for some extra pocket money.

But at the ages of 6 and 8 how much should we be expecting them to do?

We started the chore chart of jobs for cash as a way to try and start to teach them about money - and its value.  This works a little bit in spurts.  When there is something particular the girls are saving for - they may go a few days looking for jobs to do to earn money to buy their new toy.  But there is very little they really want or that excites them enough to want to work towards saving for. - Unless you count a big trampoline for the garden, but it would take several years of chores at the rates we pay for them to save up for that!!

In the last couple of weeks, the girls have started emptying the dishwasher each morning together, and they now have a 'shared' money box for money they earn together.  This is becoming routine for them now - and they can see how the money is adding up for doing a task that takes very little time and effort.

My dilemma now is that I want to get them more involved in household chores, but have I made it difficult to ask them to do more chores without them expecting to be paid for them?

This morning I sat down with them to explain that I wanted to show them how to help out with more jobs about the house.  I tried to use the example of setting the table as something they do every night which helps out but they don't get paid for it.  I explained that last week very little housework got done because I was sick - but if that happens again in future, I would like for them to be able to help me out a little more.  I really think they understood this and took it on board.

So I showed them how to do a few more chores they've never done before. For example empty the inside bins into the larger bin outside and how to sort and put on a load of washing.

 I'm also working on making things more accessible for them. I just moved things around in our laundry - so now they can reach their own sets of pink rubber gloves, rags for cleaning and the white vinegar spray I use for cleaning. 

Each day - particularly in the last two weeks of our school summer holidays here, I want to show the girls how they can help with various household jobs.  I'm not expecting them to take over and do all the housework for me (although that would be lovely!!)  I just want them to understand how things are done, and to help out now and then, so that if the need arises, they could do things for me!

I found an interesting article on how to help you child build self-confidence. In the latter part of this article it mentions what jobs and tasks kids can and should be doing by particular ages!  For example:

 "By three years of age, a child can be taught to clean sinks and tubs "

And then there's:

"By seven, a child can be cooking at least one meal a week from start to finish."

This last one about cooking is one I've been having a chat to our 8 year old about and she's keen to try.  Both girls have helped lots making meals, but have never made one all by themselves from start to finish!  So this is going to be an interesting thing to try this week!  I will let you know how that goes!!

I also found another interesting list of

 'Age appropriate chores for kids'.

How about you? What jobs do your kids do? Do you pay them? How do you distinguish between chores they are expected to do, and those that you will pay them a little extra cash for?  Do you think there are particular ages that kids should be doing particular jobs by - or should you just go by your own children and lifestyle?

Losing my voice

Last week I lost my voice - totally, for 4 days. It wasn't just croaky, it was completely gone. Our two daughters are currently home on school holidays, and the day my voice went, was the day Euan returned to work after his Christmas break.

The first day wasn't too bad. I felt very unwell, but our girls are pretty self sufficient and managed without much input from Mummy for the day.  They played together, helped make lunch and watched a movie while I rested.  When I needed to communicate with them, I wrote notes (thankfully both of them can read) and used signs.

By day two I began to get frustrated.  I couldn't catch their attention without going to them, the usual stern tone of voice saying their name if they began to push boundaries with each other or me couldn't happen. Facial expressions only work when they're looking at you.  Trying to help them do things was difficult trying to write explanations isn't as effective as spoken ones. Most frustrating was the fact the the girls weren't speaking to me.  I was trying to use sign language, and so they were doing the same back to me. When I mouthed words to them, they mouthed replies back! 

The first day I lost my voice, I didn't expect it to last, so didn't consider how to cope with silent parenting. Euan came up with an idea after work the second day.  When he returned home he downloaded an app onto this new tablet that would translate my typing into spoken words!  Ironically when  I was finishing cooking dinner and trying to catch everyone's attention by banging on the kitchen bench, then banging a glass with a spoon - everyone ignored the noise - and me, because they were too busy playing with this new app that was supposed to help me communicate!  Doubly frustrating - and I'm afraid tears ensued after a very long day!

The app on the tablet did at least make a little light of the situation.  Typing wasn't really any faster than me writing what I wanted to say - and the pronuciation wasn't always understandable. Plus it was new and exciting to the girls so they would watch me type and read out what I was typing before the tablet had a chance to say it for me!  Still, it did provide some light relief of the difficult situation for me, as we played around with the speed and pitch of the tablet's pronunciation, and made it say silly things!

Not being able to speak for four days, made me realise quite how much I do normally speak.  Not just conversations, telling and asking things, but also just little comments and words, voicing my thoughts, and also singing along to songs on the radio. I love to sing with the girls and I've been missing that!

I also found that people do tend to speak to you in the way you speak to them.  Aside from the girls themselves mouthing and whispering words to me, when I ventured out to the shops while unable to speak  I found shop assistants doing the same  - then shaking their heads and speaking properly. I don't think anyone did it consciously, but it was another thing I did find frustrating!

After two days of not being able to speak to my kids, I started to wonder how long this was going to last, and how could I cope with it better.

It made me think of 'baby sign language'..  I remember reading about it when our daughters were both speaking, so really it was bit late for them, but it seems like a good idea.  I wonder if babies who are taught this type of sign language, then find non verbal communication any easier when they get older?

It also made me think of the game of charades.  We've never played it with our girls, but this experience has made me feel that we should!  Perhaps last week would have been easier - and maybe a little more fun, had I been able to use principles from charades to communicate more?  Maybe not, but if nothing else it would be a fun game to play with the kids.

Losing my voice and having to parent silently for 4 days did make me look at how I do things, and what I would like to do differently.  One thing I want to do is to get the girls more actively involved in the house - doing more chores, and helping out more.  This is one area I'll definitely explore this week - and figure out what is possible!  Watch this space!

Have you ever lost your voice? How do you think you would cope if you couldn't speak to your kids for a few days?

WWE Don't try this at home

I love wrestling, I remember as a kid not believing that it could be rehearsed or staged. Back in the UK, as a kid, I watched Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks before I even knew about the WWE and glitzy American wrestling.

It is only human for boys, as testosterone and society demand that play fights occur and where better to gain moves from than TV and even wrestling.  WWE wrestling with current starts such as John Cena, Randy Orton, the Undertaker and the rest of the superstars lead the way and provide styalised violence on family times slot TV. It is interesting how the watching demographic for wrestling has dipped to younger and younger kids.  Just look at all the plastic toys and figurines that are available for youngsters.

The ringside leaps, flying and twisting routines to pulverise an opponent and signature moves that are unique to particular wrestlers make the franchise of WWE strong and resilient.

In more recent years the need for the 'Don't try this at home' message has been pushed by both the WWE itself and concerned parents.  This segment is mixed between the fights that make up the show.  'Don't try this at home' shouts at the youngsters watching to not try to emulate their heroes and advocates that the wrestlers are trained athletes and should not be copied.  It graphically shows some of the injuries such as ripped muscles or broken bones that have happened outside the planned story lines of the show.  I believe this is a definite and strong message sent by the producers to assist parents. I also understand that in some instances these messages also include pictures of the wrestling heroes as kids holding up belts and obviously mimicking their heroes of the time.  Commercialism certainly slips into everything!

It is difficult not to be a bit cynical when you think of the money that is involved in the WWE worldwide.

With this discussion in mind, I still love wrestling.  Despite the fact that the vast majority of the show is more acting than sport, the undoubted athleticism and hours of hard work exercising and building superhuman physiques to do superhuman moves is still awesome.

I also enjoy watching it with our girls to show them the boyish aspect of childhood.  Whilst some of their friends are banned from watching the show, the girls do not copy the moves or actually fight between themselves. We always stop for the 'Don't try this at home's' message and I can see the girls breaking up future play ground fights and being one step ahead of the boys with their knowledge of wrestlers and the latest moves.

So, although not sending a peaceful or 'good' message, I understand this and still enjoy the show.  With a little guidance, the girls can enjoy the show and even question what they are seeing on TV (he didn't really hit him there, I saw him slap his hand not head!!) and they are seeing fit people moving athletically (can we join gymnastics again this term??).

Life is not just sugar coated idealism and girls need an understanding of what young boys are up to and after all, it is all good American fun isn't it?

Euan

Routines for kids- the good and bad

After reading this article on the BBC news website about how kids with a routine of set bedtimes and mealtimes do better at school, it got me thinking about routines. What routines do our kids have and what did I have as a child?

I certainly did have structure, and our kids do have set routine times for the basics of getting up, mealtimes and going to bed - these are more flexible in the school holidays of course!

One of the comments on this article surprised me - someone stated that changing TV schedules haven't helped parents keep routines! 

I think that parents need to be aware of their children's needs and able to be in control rather than affected so much by outside influences like TV schedules, or opinions of others.  I believe that we as parents need to demonstrate control of our lives to enable our children to develop a responsible control over their own lives. 

I'm not saying that we aren't influenced by outside factors, but our lives are not controlled by them. 

Thinking about routines in the middle of a 2 month summer break from school is interesting.  Our girls are very rarely at a loss for something to do. They play very well together and have endless imaginary games to keep them amused - or immerse themselves in books, craft or play outside in the swimming pool or just the garden.  But after 4 weeks of holidays I had decided that I wanted to introduce a bit more routine into theirs - and my day. Some time spent exploring their new laptops - a little time playing some games that will keep their brains working while away from school, and also time to get active.  However, starting the new year with these great plans - but losing my voice and being sick hasn't helped us get stuck into the new routine!

The aforementioned article from the BBC states that children with more structured days grow up more confident and with more direction in their lives.  I think routine is just a part of this - but an important part.  Kids need structure and order - but there also has to be a balance.

Several years ago I worked as a teaching assistant in a school in Japan.  I learnt how structured children's lives are in Japan - for example I remember reading a school trip schedule in which every minute was accounted for, down to the times to clean their teeth, get dressed and brush their hair! There was no freetime on that schedule.

 I also remember reading an article about what Japanese teenagers worry about most.  Very high up on the list was 'having free time'!! Simply because they did not know what to do with it!   

Now I'm sure this is not the blanket case across the whole of Japan, but it demonstrates the effect that too much structure can have on children.  They need to learn to think for themselves - but you have to give them the tools to be able to do this sensibly and morally.  That is a parent's job - to provide routines, structure and boundaries within which a child can grow and develop. These children will then eventually learn to push and shape those boundaries and structures to suit their own lives and characters. 

Meal and bedtime routines are important basic foundations that all children need and should have.  Routines beyond that I think depend on the time, (school or holiday) and personal choice of how you want to bring up your own children.

Personally I feel like I would like to have a little more structure and routine in my life - and if I can manage this - and include our kids in that, I would achieve a lot more than I do now.  But once again - balance is key! I certainly don't want to schedule activies into every minute of their holidays - but a little direction and a little more shared time would be a good thing!  Now I just have to get my voice back and we can get started!

How about you?  How much routine do you put into your child's day?  Are you happy with it? How does it compare to your own childhood routines? and is routine a good or bad thing?

Can you roll your "r"s?

We recently discovered that one of our daughters could not roll her "r"s! Having a Scottish father, should she not be an expert at this?  Apparently not.

  Initially I wondered if this was one of those things that you either can or can't do genetically - like curling your tongue as in the picture.  I remember being taught about that in Biology at high school - this was the example used to demonstrate genetic traits! (although I see that there is some dispute over whether or not genetics is solely responsible for this useful?? ability!)

But back to being able to roll your "r"s.  Have you ever tried to tell someone how to do this?  Not so easy to describe! So I turned to Google!  Wikihow has a great article with 5 different 'methods' to learn how to roll your "r"s! Who would have thought? From the 'tiger' method, to the 'Raspberry' method.   

We had some fun as as family - trying to follow the various instructions - and all being very 'helpful' to our older daughter who couldn't roll her "r"s naturally. 

I think it's a matter of finding which instructions make sense to you and working with that.  The method that worked in the end, was the 'dR' method, which is apparently the one Lenin used!  Our daughter found straight away that she could, in fact, roll her "r"s when saying the word "dracula"!!  So now she has a word to start from to practice using those muscles so necessary when trying to imitate Dad's Scottish accent!

So - go on, have a try! Can you roll your "r"s??