Why is it so important that our kids fail?



As parents we are forever being told that we shouldn't be push our kids, nor should we reward them for their successes and that by filling their lives with after school activities that we are pressuring them and setting them up for failure as adults.

This week I read an article from The Telegraph Uk telling us that are kids are growing up

"incapable of accepting failure".

My first question is - why do we want our kids to 'accept failure'.

What parent would say to their kid, "Sorry Johnny, you just have to accept - you're a failure."

Those parents who 'push' their kids, are teaching them not to accept failure, but to strive for success.

 The kid who is the one achieving top marks in school, who plays the violin and is captain of the the soccer team; do you think these things simply 'happened' to them - or their parents made them happen? Of course not - they happened because the kid worked hard - studied hard, practised hard and trained hard. Have they ever experienced failure? Of course they have - that's part of learning. They've gone through the endless hours practising a musical instrument until it sounds tuneful; the weeks of repetition of exercises to perfect a sporting skill, and hours of maths practice sheets. Nobody just picks up an instrument  or takes up a sport and is instantly an expert. It takes years of practise - of getting it wrong, failing, and learning how to correct and improve in order to get it right.  These kids have learned resilience, persistence and the rewards of those attributes in their academic results not to mention their considerable musical and sporting abilities.

Perhaps their parents pushed them to study or practise but sometimes kids need to be pushed to achieve their potential - to enable them to see the rewards of hard work and study. Surely our role as parents is to encourage, guide and help our children grow into mature and capable adults with the skills necessary to lead the life they want to live. Given the choice - how many kids would spend every day after school, and every weekend playing computer games or watching TV?

The aforementioned article also states that,

"Some of the country’s top girls’ school have already begun

 introducing measures to encourage their high achieving

 students to accept defeat."

These 'measures' include one school introducing a test where it is impossible to score 100%. Why should this be helpful to anyone.  To set an impossible task doesn't give the student the incentive to put in 100% effort.


To me it seems like the issue is not whether the kids can cope with failure, but that schools and teachers cannot accept that some kids strive for success, work hard and are high achievers.  Just because a child is achieving, it is now seen as a result of pushy parents. It's as if kids couldn't and shouldn't want this for themselves. 



The constant 'labelling' of parents as helicopter, snow-plow, bulldozer or whatever, gives no credit at all to the children themselves.  If a child is doing several after school activities, then of course it's because their parents are pushing them into it. It is assumed that no child could possibly want to do several after school organised activities.



We are told to 'let our kids be kids', to stop all these organised after school activities and just let them play with their friends and grow and develop those natural life skills that people did a generation or two ago when they learned independence and resilience from building dens in the woods, and riding round on bikes all weekend with their friends.



The reality is that kids want to play sports with their friends, they want to learn to play musical instruments, and believe it or not - kids want to be good and things, to succeed, get top marks and win races.



Yes, there will always be parents who push their kids to do things they don't want to do, and equally there will be kids whose parents don't care what their kids do and never show any interest in them. There will also be kids who spend all their free time watching television or playing on computer games. 

So even for those parents who do push their unwilling kids to get active and learn skills, it's a lot better than many of the other options open to kids these days.


Personally I never really enjoyed doing the extra Maths and English work at home on a Sunday evening that my parents made me do, but I did enjoy being at the top of the class at school, and understanding what we were learning in the lessons. Once I reached high school and was too old to let my parents tell me what to do, I understood the results gained from hard work and study and could apply these myself.



Later in the Telegraph article, it states that,



"Helen Fraser, the chief executive of the Girls' Day School

 Trust, of which both Wimbledon and Oxford High School are

 a part, has previously explained that they try to teach failure

 so that the pupils understand that "being perfect is the

 enemy of learning"."


If people really believe that high achieving students think that they are perfect and don't want to learn, then they are missing the point. The whole reason that these students are high achievers is because they are good at learning, otherwise they would not be at the top.


In Australia, there is a phrase called "The Tall Poppy Syndrome." In Japan, there is a proverb that states, "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down."  Both explain the idea that everyone should be equal, and nobody is 'better' than their peers.



The fact is that we are not all equal and if someone chooses to work or study hard, then that should be rewarded and encouraged not criticised.  What kind of education do we want our kids to have. Don't we want them to grow up to be strong, independent and hard working, always striving for more?  Isn't that how civilisation has grown and progressed over the centuries?  Let's not stop progress now. 




Stop worrying that some kids don't know what failure is because they are achieving success. It's time that schools and education authorities stopped trying to bring down the high achievers and concentrated more on bringing up those kids who are not achieving well.




What my 8 year old has taught me about goal setting



Yesterday was our girls' school swim carnival.  Both our girls love swimming and swim competitively outside of school.
This was the first year our youngest daughter was competing in the school carnival, having watched her older sister compete and win medals for the past two years.  


Our youngest is very driven, particularly in wanting to do what her older sister can do (as most younger siblings are.)


So, a year ago, she set herself goals for her first swim carnival. She wanted to win her age group and also break all of the school records.  (she's not one to do anything half-heartedly!!)


What is amazing is that yesterday she did just that - won overall for the 8 year olds and broke all the records too.  

Now every parent loves to see their kid win medals and ribbons, and yes I am very proud of her; but for me, it was the achievement of her goals that was so impressive.


I set myself goals and work towards them, but realised yesterday that my success with this does not compare to my 8 year old daughters. So what can I learn from her?




I know that goals should be SMART, that is 


Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Timely

So were my daughter's goals like this?

Specific - definitely, she stated exactly what she wanted to achieve. 
Measurable - for sure - she gave times she wanted to achieve (the school records), looked at her current times, and could measure her progress throughout the year as her times improved.
Attainable - Yes, the times she wanted to beat were not ridiculously fast or out of reach, they were times achieved by other girls of the same age.
Realistic - again, yes, she trains hard was certainly capable of working towards and achieving her goals, if she stayed focused
Timely - yes, she had a specific completion date in mind and plenty of time to prepare.

Not only were her goals smart, more importantly she believed in herself - which is vital. I look at the things I have achieved in life - and without exception they are things that I simply decided I was going to do and never once doubted I would get there.
Our daughter also consistently worked on these goals for a year, she had them written down and pinned above her desk, trained hard and swam in several races over the year where she could test herself and her times out.  Amazing focus for a 7 then 8 year old.



I know I try to make my own goals like this, and have the same focus and self-belief, but have not always had the same success in achieving those goals as my 8 year old did here.

So - I'm now going to set my new goals, and ask myself if they are as clear as my daughter's were, and then I shall stick to them and focus on them with the same level of determination and self belief as she did.

If I can replicate my daughter's drive and commitment, then I should be able to reach my goals like never before!

Do you set goals like this for yourself? Do your kids?
What have your kids taught you?


Michael Morpurgo - An Elephant in the Garden



Earlier this year, my parents visited from the UK and brought over some books for our girls to read. Included in these books were a couple by Michael Morpurgo.  
Michael Morpurgo wrote War Horse - a children's book about a horse bought to serve in World War 1 and the story of the horse's boy owner trying to find him and bring him home. This story has been made into a movie and a stage play.

But back to the above book, that both our girls and I have now read - An Elephant in the Garden.

Reading age and setting for the book
The recommended reading age for this book is 11+, but both our girls, aged 8 and 10 coped well and enjoyed the book.
One thing I spent a little time on explaining was the setting - Europe in World War 2.
For me, growing up in the UK, when I was their age, I was aware of World War 2 through school and particularly an educational programme we used to watch - "The way we used to live". Now we live in Australia, and what our girls have heard about World War 2 is very different.  Each year we have ANZAC day when soldiers are remembered particularly from the first World War, but also from other wars since.  
World War did not physically touch Australia in the same way as the UK, and so I think what kids learn about it is different too.

Not knowing anything about the setting I think initially put the girls off reading the book. Both read the 'blurb' on the back and then put the book back on the shelf.  

So - before the girls started the book, I tried to explain to them a little of the setting - Germany at war - with cities being bombed.

I also read the book myself (it just took an evening) so I knew what topics it covered and whether it was suitable for them to read. This also allowed me to talk to them about what was happening in the book as they read. This helps me check that they are understanding what they are reading, and they also enjoy being able to share the story with someone else.


The Storyline
The story follows a mother and her two children in Germany. The Father has gone to fight in the war, and the mother has taken a job in the local zoo.  The Elephant is brought to safety from the zoo to the family's garden, and then ultimately flees the city with them during extensive bombing. The book then follows the family on their journey to safety and the friendships that form along the way.

Both girls really enjoyed the book. I think the addition of an animal into a story for kids is always a draw-card. I found a great article here about why children love animal stories so much.

More by Michael Morpurgo
We have another 3 books by Michael Morpurgo - 

The girls have already made a start on them, and I'm looking forward to reading them myself too!

Have you read any Michael Morpurgo books? Have your kids?
Have you read or seen the War Horse movie?  I'd love to watch it with our girls, but am wondering if the war scenes might be a bit much for them at their age.  I think the book needs to be read first to prepare them for what to expect.



Disclosure: I have not been compensated for this post at all and the opinions expressed are entirely my own. However the links go to the Book Depository where I buy my own books. I do have an affiliate account with the Book Depository and receive commission for any sales made through my site.

How learning music can help your child with maths



Our eldest daughter is currently learning the clarinet as part of a school music programme.   Sometimes she's keen to practise, other times not so much, but the other day she came home keen to practise saying, "This will help me be better at maths!"  . When I asked her why, she told me that the maths genius in her class at school plays the flute really well, and that music helps you learn maths.


We've all heard that learning music helps with learning maths, but does it really? and how? I decided to do a little research. Here are the areas I found that are helped through music study.




Maths skills learned when studying music



Basic counting skills

Learning rhythm and beats involve counting, so particularly for pre-school children, this helps to provide a good foundation for basic number skills.  Recognising patterns is another basic skill learnt in both music and early elementary maths.


Fractions

Learning music involves learning about whole and part notes and beats I remember learning about half and quarter notes. The division of notes and sections of music is the same skill learned in maths when kids learn fractions, decimals, ratios and proportions.
There is even a curriculum in California, USA where music is being used to teach kids fractions!


Geometry

Spatial awareness skills are said to increase when you learn a musical instrument thanks to the co-ordination necessary to hold and play the instrument together with reading the music.


Memory

Memory is like a muscle - the more you use it the better it gets. In learning music you are memorising things like notes, and how to play them on an instrument and also the sequences of notes needed to play tunes. Maths, particularly basic elementary maths involves learning and memorizing basic facts - like times tables.



Can just listening to music help?



The Mozart Effect

This term was coined after a study carried out in 1993 where people showed an improvement in particular mathematical skills after listening to Mozarts music; which supposedly stimulates particular parts of the brain used in mathematical tasks.  
Further studies question this effect and whether improvements can be made with different types of music - the effect being more on the emotions than on reasoning skills.


If you're interested, here's a fun video of some research done on the street regarding the Mozart effect!





Whether or not listening to music boosts your brain power - I think there are enough similarities in music and maths studies that my daughter is probably right in saying that practising her clarinet more will help her be better at maths - just simply because she is practising a lot of the same skills.  Definitely something to be encouraged!

Do you or your kids play a musical instrument?  Do you believe that this can help with maths studies?


Minimum two word answer rule


"So what did you do at school today?"


"Nothing."


"You must have done something. Did you do any maths?"


"Yes."



"What about English?"



"Yes."




Have you had a conversation like this with your kids? 
Not much of a conversation really is it!


We've had some success with our kids getting them to tell us about their days at school by using conversation coasters I made.


But I heard another idea from a friend that I'm going to try with our kids.  


The minimum of two words rule.

She doesn't ever let her kids get away with a one word answer. Even if I say "hi" to them, they can't just say, "hi" back, they have to say for example, "Hi, Jill".
So no longer can they just answer with an abrupt - 'nothing' when you ask what they've done at school! Brilliant!

I really like this idea and think it's a great habit for kids to get into!

Do you have any hints, tips or ideas for improving kids conversational skills? I'd love to hear any!


Pass the Bomb



This is a wonderfully simple game that we've discovered is great fun to play with our kids.


It's a very simple idea. There is a set of cards with 2 or 3 letters on each. The aim of the game is to make words using those letters either at the beginning, middle or end - depending on the roll of a special die.



What makes the game more exciting is the 'bomb', which gets

passed around those playing. You have to hold the bomb when it's your turn until you think of a suitable word, then you can pass it on.  If you're left holding the bomb when it explodes you lose that round.


The game box says it's for players age 12 and up, but both our girls, aged 8 and 10 played it quite comfortably.  



It can be played as per the rules with 13 cards to work through - or sometimes we just play with random cards and no particular end to the game other than to have fun!



Any game that encourages kids to have fun with words is great, this also encourages thinking under pressure, and it's always funny to see what creative words both kids and adults try to get away with in order to 'pass the bomb'!



I'd definitely recommend this as a fun family game!






Fundraising for your kids with chocolate?


When did we start having to become chocolate sales people so that our kids could do their after-school sports?


Considering the obesity problems facing ours and other nations, chocolate seems like a particularly odd choice to sell and promote in order to fund-raise for sporting clubs that are on the other hand promoting healthy lifestyles for our kids.



But it's not just the chocolate that is the problem with fund raising these days, it's the whole attitude towards it and what it has become.



Endless requests for money
Simply saying the word - 'volunteer' or 'fund-raise' is enough to strike fear in the heart of many parents. 


Having kids at school means that each term you are subjected to more and more forms brought home asking you to sponsor your child to read books, or handed a book or raffle tickets to sell, and "return the money to your child's class teacher by next week.", and then there is being asked several times a term for a gold coin donation so that your child can get out of wearing their uniform for the day; all for a good cause of course. But I find the constant push for you to give more and ask others to give is getting out of hand.  




The Merry-Go-Round of donations

When you end up with raffle tickets or chocolate to sell for you kids school or sporting team, who do you sell them to? - your family, friends, neighbours and work colleagues.   Many of them will buy a bar of chocolate or raffle ticket not because they particularly want to, but because they feel 'obliged'.  Then the next week, they will bring their own kids' fund raising thing to  you, and the obligation will be returned when you also buy something you don't particularly want or need.  


Little by little, we are all donating money to each other's schools, clubs and organisations, pushing up the overall cost to us as parents of our kids getting involved in sports and team activities.



The alternative to this, is what many people, including myself do. That is to purchase the goods you are being asked to sell for yourself. This isn't so bad if it is something you would buy anyway. For example I'm quite happy to buy the school raffle tickets each year as the prizes are very good and I would love one day to win one. The amount paid for this is relatively small too.




However, sometimes things become more expensive - a large box of chocolate bars for example is not something I would buy for myself and my family, so to be asked to do this to fund raise for a club feels like I'm being asked for a straight financial donation. Not the way fund-raising should be done in my opinion.




But isn't fundraising necessary?


Yes, I understand the need to fund-raise.  For these sporting teams to buy equipment, pay coaches, travel expenses, membership fees etc, they rely on donations, fund raising and sponsorship. 


 I worked as volunteer president of our daughters' kindergarten for two years. That Kindy was run by volunteers and relied largely upon donations and fund raising to survive and grow.  I have seen the benefits gained from efficient fundraising, but also the resentment and negative feelings seeded from badly organised fundraising that leaves people feeling obliged to give more and more money themselves. Budgets are stretched, and keeping your kids in clubs and sporting teams becomes more of a financial strain.




So what should be done?

Since fund raising is a necessary part of sporting clubs, schools and organisations, how can it be done in a way that people are happy to participate in?


My memories of fundraising when I was a child involve the occasional mornings spent at our gymnastics club with all my friends and their families there together, setting up and running a mini fete - with stalls, raffles and games.  Everyone was involved and it was as much a social event as a fundraiser.  Fun was had by all, and money was raised for the club in the process.




Building team and community spirit

For people to want to give their time, effort and money to support a club, they need to feel like the are a part of that club and gain something from it.  


I believe the best fundraisers are 'events'. Things that get the whole school or club involved - the children as much as the parents, because let's face it, it's all for our kids anyway.  Fundraising is a great opportunity to teach our kids about working together as a team for a result that is going to benefit them all. To learn to have pride in their team. club or organisation and want to help raise money to make it bigger, better, or buy more equipment.



A recent fundraiser we were involved in was a car wash.  The kids from the club all joined in and had a wonderful time washing cars together, talking to people, and generally working as a team.  We were providing a service, rather than just asking for money from people. Everyone had fun, and a good amount of money was raised.  The people who paid for the car wash, chose to drive in, and received a service for their money.



The key factors for those who gave money were that it was their choice to give the money, and they gained something from it.  



Fundraising is not easy - you don't get money for nothing.





Using strengths and interests

Another aspect that I feel is important to remember in fundraising is that everyone has different opinions, views and interests. One fundraising method will suit some people, a different one others.  Perhaps some people are happy to buy a large box of chocolates just for their family to consume, so giving the money to their club rather than the supermarket seems like a good idea.


That's fine.  Just don't try to force everyone into the same box.



Fundraising should be an option available for people to help out where they feel they best can. Some people can give more time, other people money, and others skills.  



I believe that people are generally happy to help out - in a way that they are comfortable and confident with.  



As an example, both our girls are keen swimmers , and each year they now take part in a Swimathon to raise money for MS. We've chosen to encourage them to participate in this, not because we know people with this particular disease, or have any significant connection with it, but largely because of our girls' interest in and love for swimming.  To help them learn that they can use their skills, talents and likes to help others is an important lesson for them. 





Fund-raise for our club not the big companies

There are plenty of companies making a profit from fundraising. Kids are asked to sell things to their family and friends. The school receives a small portion of the sale price, and the kids get bonus prizes for selling more and more things, but the largest portion of the profit goes to the big company.


Perhaps for these big companies that run these fundraising ideas - it's cheaper to pay schools and clubs a small part of the profit for each item, than to pay for large adverts and displays in shops and expecting the public to buy things because they actually want the product - not just buying it because they feel obliged to in order to help their kids or friend's kids.



Personally, I would much rather give money to a fund-raiser that rewarded the club or school for an effort they have made, rather than helped to promote a large company just as much or more by buying their products.





I believe fundraising should



1. Make everyone feel like a valuable member of the team - by utilising their particular skills, talents or connections. Remembering that everyone is different.



2. Involve the kids who we are fundraising for.  



3. Not make people feel obliged to give more of their own money, on top of paying club fees, buying their own kids equipment, uniforms etc.  



4. Make those who give the money feel like they are gaining something from that - whether it's a service,  product or a sense of satisfaction for helping out a deserving club.





What about you?  



What fundraising have you been asked to do for your child's school or team? 



What fundraising do you remember doing when you were a kid?



What method of fundraising do you most dislike?



and finally...



Are you a fan of the chocolate drive?







Magic Eye Pictures - improving eyesight!


Magic Eye Pictures


Can you 'see' these Magic Eye pictures? What is hidden in the picture above?

 I remember years ago, experiencing the initial struggle to figure out how to see the hidden picture, and then the excitement when the image 'popped out' at me!


A little while ago, something reminded me of these pictures and we got a book out of the library with some in to show our girls.  Our younger daughter could see the pictures, but our eldest could not, no matter how hard or how many different ways we tried to show her.  Eventually she lost interest and the book was returned to the library.




Then again a few weeks ago, I stumbled across these Magic Eye pictures again, and this time found an article called, "Why Can't Some People See Magic Eye Pictures". The article basically said that those people who really cannot see these pictures generally have a problem with their stereo vision, or the way their eyes work together. This immediately got me thinking of our elder daughter who has weak eyesight. The optician recently told her that she has one eye weaker than the other, for which she is now wearing an eye-patch a little each day to cover the stronger eye and so stimulate the weaker eye. 



So for her, if her stronger eye is compensating for her weaker eye, they aren't working together equally , so that would account for her inability to see these Magic Eye pictures!





Eye Exercises


Myself and our daughter are currently doing daily eye exercises to help improve our eyesight.


In our set of eye exercise worksheets that we both use each day, there is a sheet for 'convergence'.  

  The sheet has 2 columns of identical text printed next to each other. The exercise is to practice looking at the texts so that a third column appears between the other two and you can read that one.  
A few days ago our daughter shouted out her excitement when she could finally see the third column! 
As something she had tried and could not see several weeks ago, but that now, after consistently using her eye patch she is able to see, this is a great tangible result for her.


I knew from doing this exercise myself, that it requires the same use of your eyes as the Magic Eye pictures, so..once again I returned to the library and borrowed some more Magic Eye books.  



It was so lovely to hear and see the excitement in our daughter as she flipped through the book seeing the images.  

She still can't see them all straight away, but is practising and very encouraged by the fact that her eyes seem to be working together again, giving her more encouragement to continue with her daily eye patching and exercises.


After several months of stopping and starting these exercises, and trying to find a way to encourage her to do them regularly we finally resorted to bribery! The bribery has worked to get the exercises done regularly - but the motivation gained from seeing actual results has done even more than the bribery!



Adding magic eye pictures to the daily eye exercises has added a bit more fun into the whole process too. Using these 3D images to help improve eyesight is not unheard of. There is a whole book dedicated to this. (Magic Eye Beyond 3D)



You can also make your own pictures (like the one at the top of this page) on this website. You can choose your own background and image/ text  and the site will generate the picture for you! Our girls are having fun making their own designs with this!



Can you see these Magic Eye pictures? What about your kids? Do you believe they can help improve certain eyesight problems?






Note: we printed all our eye exercise worksheets from the website  Clear Vision Naturally

Bridge to Terabithia - a book and movie review

 I'd never heard of this book until recently when the movie was shown on TV here in Australia.  We saw the trailer and liked the look of it, so we recorded the movie for our girls to watch sometime.  I also looked the book up and found it in our local library. I think it's always nice to read a book before seeing a movie. Books have more detail in them and it lets you create the pictures for the story in your own imagination.
We were also looking for a new book to read together as a family, and this seemed to fit the bill well.

The book is a best-seller, won the Newberry Medal in 1978, and is studied in English study classes around the world.


Here's the trailer we saw for the movie:

After watching this, I expected an adventure story set in a magical world. However, when we started to read the book, we found this wasn't exactly what the book was about.
The book tells of a friendship that develops between a boy and girl, around 10 or 11 years old. It explores school life, bullying, family relationships, imagination as a form of escape, and also death.

Although the book was totally different to what we had expected, we all really enjoyed it. We took turns reading chapters. At one stage I had to hand the book to my elder daughter to finish the chapter as I was crying at the story and couldn't speak!


After finishing the book, we then watched the movie.  As always there was the discussion about the parts that had been left out, and the extra little bits that were added, but overall we enjoyed it.

Our eldest daughter said afterwards she preferred reading the book as you get to know what the characters are thinking as well as saying. I agree with this!

I would definitely recommend this book as a great read for kids (ours are 8 and 10 years old and it was perfect for them).
And read the book before seeing the movie too!

Have you read this book or seen the movie?
What did you think?